I am often that weird person laughing to himself in public. Fortunately, it is usually a quiet laugh, and definitely about something. Often from something funny, You Look Nice Today, for example, as heard on my ever-on Apple-Branded Audio Recording Playback Device, but not nearly often enough. Almost certainly related to my habit of talking to myself, I usually have a very animated inner monologue running. Sometimes, not only do I discuss things with myself, but I sometimes play out potential, usually ludicrous conversations with people I see on the street, on the subway, eating lunch, whatever.

Today a guy rode by on a cruiser bike. It was obviously made recently during the hey, “everybody get a fancy one-speed bike” fad, but had even more obviously been left outside since the day it was bought. It was squeaky, heavily rusted, any number of things seemed to be poised to fall off and clatter onto the road.

Me: “Dude. Your bike looks like shit.”

Me as him: “Better that than the other way around.”

I’m not sure why exactly that was the very first thought that sprang to mind, but it did, with great springiness and verve. It was there almost before I finished dissing his bike. And the mental image it produced was so preposterous that I damn close to snarfed my coffee.

I think this is un-sum-uppable.