This is something that I had forgotten about completely for about… 10 years? I swear, they had completely vanished from my mind until one day, bam. Right! Jolly Ranchers!

I am entirely enamoured with their shape, nice, smooth, rounded rectangular prism. Nicely translucent. What further sets them apart from other hard candies  is, well, their hardness. (save the dick jokes, I’m all over those. the jokes, that is. …goddamnit.) Something about the way they’re produced seems to obviate the creation of those tiny razor-ridged canyons that can develop in, say, your cheap after-dinner mint. The ones that an unwary tongue could be run along and sliced to bloody ribbons.

Even better, the ‘original’ contains none of those unpleasant throwaway flavours found in so many other candies. The CMYK of hard candies seems to be Orange, Yellow, Red, Purple (and sometimes Green). Of those, I can pass entirely on Yellow (crystallized Mr. Clean, anyone?) and Orange is rarely much better. But! But my beloved Originaux have Watermelon, Cherry, Grape, and some sort of bizarre hue-shifted Raspberry. Delicious!

I am concerned for them. Perhaps everyone has forgotten they existed. Maybe I should make like an film photographer and stock up on the goods while they still exist.  I think I’ll just get in touch with Hershey’s and see if they’re planning to demolish their Rochester Facilities any time soon.

Oh, and rather make an entire post about it and feel like I copped out, I have been listening the shit out of Property is Theft by Klute lately.

Advertisements